Need a Divorce? You can save your money, stay in control of your life, and remain friends. “How?” you may ask. The answer is simple. Mediation. More divorcing couples are mediating their divorce than ever before for all the reasons listed above. It’s a less expensive, more predictable outcome that doesn’t leave people feeling angry and cheated.
It’s possible because the divorcing couple is who steers the process with the help of an experienced mediator to give outline as they map their way. The mediator helps to set boundaries, expectations, and then guides the process along. This is called a “client centered” process because the clients cooperate to create how their relationship will continue both during the divorce process and afterwards. The clients are in control, not a judge, not a court. Thus, there is little room for feelings of being cheated or of not having a say in the outcome.
A traditional divorce, where both parties go out and hire attorneys, can create an atmosphere of war between the parties, that often ends up costing thousands of dollars that could have gone to a child’s college fund. It can be unpredictable in that it brings out the worst in people and then leaves the decision up to the judge. Besides being expensive, a traditional divorce can create lifetime enemies out of what used to be a family. And where there are children involved, a typical adversarial divorce can leave scars for life.
Mediation can smooth the way for parents who were married to be at family weddings and funerals without creating a scene or causing anxiety. Simply put, because parties choose to cooperate during one of the most difficult times of their lives, it is becomes easier to move on and forge a different, positive relationship.
A mediator is trained at diffusing conflict while focusing on the goal; the cooperation of the parties for the benefit of a future non-marital relationship. The mediator often has a checklist of things that need to be decided and knows what the court will be looking for in a marital separation agreement.
But mediation will not work for everyone. In the case where there is no trust the traditional adversarial roles may be better. However, in these challenging financial times mediation should be the first thing divorcing parties try. Many mediators charge an hourly rate payable after each visit. I am a mediator that will let the client decide whether he or she is better off with a flat fee or with an hourly rate. Some mediators offer a package where you pay a lump sum for the divorce filing and then an hourly rate for the mediation.
One thing is certain. With a mediated divorce settlement it is much more likely that the parties involved will be able to cooperate when other family matters arise that would require such cooperation. It is much more likely that the divorcing parties will eventually part…..as friends.
